Neuticles

2 weeks ago I took Rudder to be neutered by our family vet.  This was a negotiation I have had with Jon for a few years now as Rudder is reaching his 5th birthday.   After our near dog attack a couple months back I decided that Jon's rationalization was null and I was fixing our dog so that at the very least, there would be one less un-neutered dog in our neighbor "hood" for another crazy un-neutered dog to want to attack while I'm walking all our children.  (Actually Jon really couldn't argue that.  )

In understanding Jon's sensitivity to the issue I didn't talk much about the surgery until right before it was to happen.   With Jon being away there was nothing he could do, but out of fairness I did not want to send our dog into surgery and under anesthesia with out Jon knowing for fear of something bad happening and Jon having no warning. ( Rudder has a history of allergies to MANY drugs which is one of the main reasons he had never been neutered)  Jon's one request was to "seriously" have prosthetic testicles put in.........

We arrived at the vet two Fridays ago and they had me filling out paperwork and giving me instructions etc.  All I was thinking about was "Holy crap this is going to end up costing an arm and a leg, maybe I should have just taken him to PETA on Saturday, really what are the odds he's going to have a reaction to the drugs they give him?.....oh yeah, like 60%."   With my anxiety I almost forgot about the prosthetic testicles.  So at the last minute I asked the front desk lady.  She literally looked at me with a tilted head and I know she was thinking "you've got to be f-ing kidding me right?" so I quickly explained to her Jon's concerns.  She went on back and asked the Dr. for me. 

Dr. Johnson came out looking as if he had just said out loud "you've got to be f-ing kidding me right?" and chuckling to himself.  He informed me that they do in fact make prosthetic testicles for dogs, that they are called Neuticles, and we would need to order them, but out of principle he would have to refuse to put them in Rudder.  I'm pretty sure I turned 26 shades of red.  I explained to him why I was asking, my hesitation to ask, and certainly my embarrassment.  He understood of course and felt terrible that he was doing this to Rudder with Jon gone.  But assured me Ru would be fine and the empty sac of skin would eventually shrink up and hardly be noticeable.  

I could not remember the name of the faux testicles and finally tonight after being disturbed by the amount of extra skin between Rudder's hind legs, I remembered to google it and found the website.  I thought I would share it just in case your dog or a dog you know would like some.  Or better yet you might know someone who would like some neuticle earrings...... yes they sell them on the website too.   

I have to say though, if the skin left between Rudder's legs does not shrink up like Dr. Johnson says it will, I may actually drop $149 plus S&H for a pair of Neuticles and find a vet who will perform cosmetic surgery for our 1st born child, as it is quite an unpleasant sight.  

Poor Rudder..... he is doing fine and recovering nicely.  I am pretty sure that he did have a reaction to the pain narcotic that they gave him post surgery as he was very itchy and throwing himself up against the coffee table and rubbing his face and back anywhere he could.  I really could have taken him to PETA on Saturday and saved a few hundred dollars BUT he's our biggest boy and like I said, our first born.  We could never be safe enough.  I hope the Obama family gets a Portuguese Water Dog as awesome as ours..... I don't think it's possible though.  Our little Jam Master Rudder Bear is the best! 

www.neuticles.com